Caveat Emptor

I was never a tea drinker but I started drinking the brew around 2009. It doesn’t taste so bad and aside from the health benefits and making me feel like an alchemist, there are some really good flavors. Yesterday, I was at the supermarket on a mission to buy more tea. As I was checking out the tranquil scenes on some of the boxes, I came across Sleepytime tea.

TranquiliTea!

There’s a rug, a sleeping cat, a plant, some bottles/vases, a muffin, honey, a teapot, a retro radio, a plush chair, and a roaring fire. This box exudes warmth and relaxation, right? I mean, just look at that damn bear! He obviously enjoys his Sleepytime tea…

Maybe a little too much.

The bear appears to be sleeping but upon closer inspection, you can see that the bear has moved on to the big cave in the sky. I’ll fill you in on what this tea company doesn’t tell you. The “time” element of “Sleepytime”? Yeah, that’s for E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y.

Oh, I also discovered that, apparently, you can have a cup of death with a tinge of French Vanilla.

I thought this bear was taking in the beautiful scenery around him whilst sleeping in his hammock. What tipped me off was the bird. This particular bird, you see, happens to be carnivorous and his favorite snack is a bag of “Ursus arctos horriblis”. The bird knows that the bear just drank the “Elixir of Nixer”so he‘s just waiting to feast on this lifeless creature. 

My advice? Stay away from these teas or, like these bears, you’ll be hibernating for more than just the winter.